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Heroes Might& Magic Champ
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable

wanted to show these hilarious comments to all you guys thus i didn't post it in the bin where it would be spammed to off topicness high heaven and where many of the members don't visit.

i spent an hour just reading all the hilarious comments. here are some of the good ones. :rotflmao:

76 of 77 people found the following review helpful:
June 28, 2008
By Harmless Gryphon (Nowhere worth mentioning) - See all my reviews

I knew my day was going to improve when the truck pulled up at my home with this cable deep within. No ordinary truck, this one was Holy White, and the gold Delivery logo sparkled like a thousand suns reflected through shards of the purest ice formed with unadulterated water collected at the beginning of the universe. The driver, clad in a robe colored the softest of white, floated towards me on the cool fog of a hundred fire extinguishers. He smiled benevolently, like a father looking down upon his only child, and handed me a package wrapped in gold beaten thin to the point where you could see through it. I didn't have to sign, because the driver could see within my heart, and knew that I was pure. Upon opening the package, an angelic choir started to sing, and reached a crescendo as I laid this cable on my stereo system. Instantly, my antiquated equipment transformed into components made from the clearest diamond-semiconductor. The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me - all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed "play," and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.

But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.
Danger, misleading illustration, January 9, 2009
By Gm Spencer "bass instincts" (Coventry, UK) - See all my reviews


Please please, don't do what I did and attach the lead in the manner illustrated. Using the cable in the shown configuration made it into a self-resonating Helmholtz coil which made all of the electricity in the neighbourhood travel in a corkscrew wave- that was trouble for a while, what with light from all domestic lamp bulbs displaying characteristics of Gigantic Red-Shift as observed from a low-Earth orbit spy satellite. I'm not kidding, Google Maps now sees my town as being in the spiral arm of the Andromeda Galaxy thanks to the GPS recursive paradox superposition effect generated in the ultra-pure crystal matrix of the refined copper polycoaxial strands. Good job it wasn't made of simple standard ethernet cable or we'd be in the centre of the crab nebula by now.

This simple oversight was easily remedied however by unplugging the lead and replacing it with the near-identical appearence cable I found near to hand, i.e. the cotton-woven sheath electrical cord attached to my grandmothers' 1950s electric steam iron. And WHOA, do the sub bass flutter notes stop wavering exponentially when the sound comes out of the base plate with the steam setting now tuned to 'Linen ***'
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
Latency? What latency?, January 9, 2009
By Steven W. (Vicksburg, MS) - See all my reviews

At first I was a bit skeptical about purchasing this cable given all of the reviews. Boy was I wrong! I plugged this cable from my modem to my router and then another one from the router to my PC. I now have no latency at all and in fact, I play 15 seconds ahead in time. Unfortunately my hair has started falling out due to radiation poisoning, but that is a small price to pay to see a glimpse of the next 15 seconds in my PC games!
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
tremendous performance, November 6, 2008
By velociraptor - See all my reviews

I bought several of these and used them to string my tennis racket. I have never been beaten since. If I don't hit the ball just right on serving, they seem to simply disappear into thin air. But well hit, my top service speed has been clocked at over 3,200 mph. However, 2 weeks ago I accidently killed one my doubles opponents. It was terrible. People, please be careful with these.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
An investment for the future, October 22, 2008
By Tivadar Mach "mivadar" (Bremen, Germany) - See all my reviews

This beautiful hand-crafted cable has been lovingly assembled atom by atom by a dedicated artist.
Each cable is unique - for customer convenience, arrows point to the 5 nm x 5 nm signature of its creator at the end of the cable.
Like that of an original Picasso, the value of this cable is only likely to increase over time, making it a safe investment in these troubled times.

To preserve the cable's pristine condition for future resale at auctions, remember never to plug the cable into an appliance!
If you are not just purchasing as an investment but want to take pride in your possession, you may wear it to state dinners and receptions.
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
MADE ME FERTLE!!, September 25, 2008
By J. Breimann (Long Island, NY) - See all my reviews


For months my wife and I were trying to have a baby and we had no luck. A good friend told me about the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable. Sure, I knew it was the best for connecting Ethernet-enabled devices such as printers but boy was I in for the surprise of my life!

When my Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable arrived my wife and I simply removed it from the packaging and placed it on the night table. Before we knew it we were having babies like nobody's business!!!! SO MANY BABIES!!!!! 400 BABIES!!!!!!!!!
This cable does allow for incredible sound. However, I believe a possible side-effect from the use of this cable has not been noted by the manufacturers. Upon playing Prince's "Kiss" my speakers ... how should I put this? ... Well, I think they ... climaxed.

That's not the end of it. Oh, no. My stereo system is now sentient. And horny. Not one of my other appliances has warranty coverage for ... well ... the kind of 'damage' they are currently receiving.

I'd just unplug the darn thing, but it's developed an ability to arc pure energy when it feels threatened. It took two scorched electricians to figure that out. And, yes, I've already tried flipping the breaker switch. Doesn't work. The power won't go out. I don't understand how the hell it pulled that off.

Please, if anyone has any tips or advice, I'm getting desperate. My living room is some kind of sick, mechanical sex den and it's really freaking me out.
Well upon receiving this truly sexy cable I just held it up to my face for a minute... transcendental! I have never had a rush like that! Then I noticed that the cut on my hand had disappeared!! Wow. I broke a toe years ago .. never healed right so I wrapped this truly amazing cable around that foot.. guess what no more broken toe! So I thought being overweight I would try wrapping it around my middle... well I did lose 40 pounds but that wasn't the amazing thing. As the weight melted away the cable slipped downward from my stomach coming to rest on my... well just below my stomach. OMG! You would not believe the feeling. So I wrapped the cable around my .. well you know I sorta wrapped it with the cable.. and ... and then...

I'll be in my bunk..

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
37 of 40 people found the following review helpful:
Life-saving cable, June 23, 2008
By A. Cathro "adamc68" (London, UK) - See all my reviews


I had a choice - get this cable or pay for my gran's life-saving operation.

I opted for the cable, and I'm so glad I did. It's made no difference whatsoever to my hi-fi equipment, but now my grandmother is dead. And I couldn't stand her.

Thanks Denon!
based on the superb reviews, I am buying this fabled equipment as a gift for my wife, in time for our 4th anniversary. I think it would make for a beautiful necklace.
88 of 90 people found the following review helpful:
It's full of stars!, June 20, 2008
By S. Mayo - See all my reviews


If Denon had captured the Divine light of creation and distiled it into 1.5 meters of ultramegaradioactive copper, it could not have been better than this cable. Just holding the packaging it comes in, I can see distant galaxies and, though you may not believe it, hear what the aliens there are thinking. THAT is how good this cable is. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. Honestly, looking at it is better than foreplay. You feel wracking orgastic shivers just touching it. I just know that zeros and ones will achieve true integer perfection when they travel this cable. But I'm afraid to actually install it. I might die.

Denon has, in marketing this, permanently entered the rarified realm of vendors inhabited by the likes of Machina Dynamica. I honestly can't think of a better way to express my feelings on this product, than that. I'm breathless to see what they want to sell us next!
The Denon ADKL1 Dedicated Link Cable is my favorite worldly possession. Late at night, I lie awake in anticipation of the day I can afford to replace my receiver with one which can connect to this, the ultimate digital cable.
This particular digital cable somehow makes your ones more one with the universe and your zeros less so, so it acts like an expander for your mind and soul. I haven't connected it yet, but already I feel comforted and more alive than ever.
My receiver lacks the requisite female connector and that makes it seem so useless, like the kind of receiver a poor person or an imbecile would have. I've become self-conscious about owning it, and have hidden it and my shame away until such time as I become worthy of a proper receiver. I post this review as a sort of audiophile confessional to assuage my deep and abiding hatred for myself. Soon, I will return to the beautiful Denon shipping container to handle this magnificent cable, but I must wait for the sun to kiss the horizon and provide suitable lighting for such an activity.

86 of 86 people found the following review helpful:
I don't have much time., June 23, 2008
By John A (Border of Wasteland, former Canada) - See all my reviews

This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be sometime around 2007 for whomever is reading this. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES. Something... happens with them. Something came through, something from somewhere else. We were overrun in days, not many of us are left. WE LIVE UNDERGROUND! ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT NOW. SAVE US. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES.

I don't have much time. This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be--

71 of 71 people found the following review helpful:
Great cable, but too fast., June 23, 2008
By Matthew Sidor "seadour" (Boulder, CO USA) - See all my reviews


Transmission of music data at rates faster than the speed of light seemed convenient, until I realized I was hearing the music before I actually wanted to play it. Apparently Denon forgot how accustomed most of us are to unidirectional time and the general laws of physics. I tried to get used to this effect but hearing songs play before I even realized I was in the mood for them just really screwed up my preconceptions of choice and free will. I'm still having a major existential hangover.

Would not purchase again.
30 of 30 people found the following review helpful:
Cables Beyond Quality, June 22, 2008
By P. B. Jones (Rolwaling valley and in the Helambu region north of Kathmandu) - See all my reviews


In life one rarely encounters a product of such complete and total perfection. The so called dedicated link cable from Denon's nearest competitor is positively shambolic by comparison. This product costs US$500 and in my opinion that is bloody value for such quality and best in class performance. The cable installs, at each end, into it's receptacle with a satisfactory click. I spent hours simply plugging and unplugging it, then it was time for the purging of ear particulate mater. Through the usual high pressure water/vacuum method recommended by auditory wizard Harry Earl Winston III I was ready to experience this gift from the gods. Immediately thereafter I walked into the music chamber and closed the airlock door. I placed upon the golden turntable Pachelbel Canon in D Major and began to power up the sundry equipment and surround speakers. Two hours later I sat upon the ice block and switched on the final power button. In an explosion of sound I was warped into another dimension. Something was wrong, but oh, so right. My Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable with its high-purity copper wire had instantly accelerated Mozart from 40 beats per minute to almost 400,000,000,000 beats per second. As it pulsed through my existence shredding and then recombobulating by intellect, my senses and awareness were transcended. I instantly became a greater being, a provider of life and a devourer of worlds. I now speak 500 Earth languages, read minds and can read the nutritional information on a box of Count Chocula from more than a thousand kilometers away in an instant.

I live now amongst the sherpas in the ancient and hidden Rolwaling valley region north of Kathmandu where they treat me as a man-god. Am I a god? Can I drive my enemies out before me with merely a thought? Can I hear the lamentations of their women and children? I am reticent! Although I am legally deaf in any spiritually bankrupt Occidental reckoning, I hear the world with my mindsey...ears. and my mind speaks to you with is minds...mouth: 'I command thee obsequious fools, buy these cables for the salvation of mankind!'

Now I must leave you as my servant prepares to roll me to the palace gardens for contemplation time.
27 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
I I can walk again, June 22, 2008
By C. Meeks - See all my reviews


Since the fairground accident, I thought I would never walk again. But when my great uncle, an orthopedic surgeon, showed me Denon's wondrous new technology in the Journal of the American Medical Association, I elected to try this new breakthrough in medical science.

Early this March, a team of surgeons at Stanford University Hospital removed my spine and replaced it with the AKDL1. I never thought I would walk again, but in early April, I took my first steps. And two months later, today, I am walking on the beach. Also I have spontaneous teleportation abilities.

Thanks, Denon, for making me laugh about life again. Denon. Won't you?
 

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Lol. I still don't notice the difference between a flimsy cable and a high end cable, in any circumstance, really.

Well then again I don't notice the difference between VGA and DVI.
 

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Ya'ver drink Brazilian bold from fkn dunkn donuts!
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This is truly one of the internets true moments of glory, as these 'reviews' are some of the funniest stuff I have read in a while. Wicked find Pickle.

Some that I thought were hilarious:

3 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars Father Peter, December 1, 2008
By Austin Washington - See all my reviews
I'm really upset, and I must say, more than a little peeved at the entire internet community.

I bought one of these based on the rather glowing reviews here. Yet, in the hours since receiving it, no angelic choirs have descended, nor do I find myself in a magical futuristic world, ruled by Paris Hilton (I'm not sure why that other reviewer said that was a bad thing - I'm in love with Paris, and always will be! :x)

More to the point, no deep bass or high squeaky noises. Nada (that's "nothing" in Spanish, for you ignoramuses out there! Ha ha, I'm smarter than you!)

Anyway, I shook it, stuck it in my ear, and even stuck it where Father Peter used to stick the candle after the service - and, no sound at all!

The only difference I can see is, I'm alive (I died a year ago).
5.0 out of 5 stars This Cable has more Uses than originally Intended! - Its a GREAT BUY!, June 13, 2008
By Justin A. Denton "J Dent" (Illinois) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
Well, not to brag, but I have to say I've found many additional uses than what this cable was originally intended for. First I thought it was just a mere audio cable that I've seen at every audiophile store in the land, but oh, its much more. This is not only a audio cable that has recieved the utmost detail to manufacturing attention. I have also been able to hook it up to my Router that connects into my DSL Connection and instantly upgrade myself to a OC-3 connection. Yes thats 400+Mbps of Data streaming into my house, just by merely connecting this cable between my DSL Modem and my Router. You jest?, Well the reason why is the quality is extremely higher than a typical Cat-5 Cable, or even a Cat-6 Cable. I would have to say this cable is rated at cat-7 or even better. Along with being able to upgrade my 1.5mbps DSL connection to 400+mbps, I have been able to successfully utilize this cable to connect my PC into a Switch that allows me to establish one of the most amazing home networks. Just by doing this I think I'm running at a 10gigabit + network speed. Its amazingly fast, with this cable and a few tweaks like upgrading the switches in my house, my network cars in my PC, actually buying a different cable, I've been able to achieve a LAN speed of 10Gigabit.

I must say the only thing I haven't tried to do with this cable is replace the powercord on my toast and hardwire this to the electrical current in my house to see if it will give me a more perfect slice of toast. Not that I'm questioning its ability to not, I have to solely believe that if I do this my toast from my toaster will be the holy grail of toasts. I'll be able to sell my secret recipe to Mc Donalds and then Mc Donalds will finally have Toast with their Big Breakfasts.

See in reality all you joke about this cable being so expensive, but if your looking to get ahead in life, you need to buy this cable. This cable will be one of the sole reasons why you become rich. It will help you out with your chores, I have mine mowing the lawn right now. I said hey Cable. I spent $500 on you, your gonna mow the lawn. Granted, I kinda have a feeling its going to be just handing on the handle where I left it and the Lawn won't be mowed. But if that happens, their will be H*LL to pay.. I will serve this cable up a heapin' helping of a can of Whoop @$$.

Needless to say, me and my $500 cable have become great friends, actually because everyone quit being my friend, because I say they are Jealous, they tell me I'm stupid for spending $500 on a $3 cable.. I say they are just Jealous
 

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Heroes Might& Magic Champ
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4,713 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
Lol. I still don't notice the difference between a flimsy cable and a high end cable, in any circumstance, really.

Well then again I don't notice the difference between VGA and DVI.
there are no real difference other than minor superficial ones like the ability to cure cancer, end world hunger, part seas, and lord over mankind with dictatorial might with the expensives cables.

Really just a 1-2meter $5 cable from any reputable e-retailor will be as good as a 1-2meter $100 monster cable over short distances. Apparently the only difference is on longer lengths like 4-6meters you won't get signal loss on the longer expensive $200 cables. But then if you move up to the $25 price range on the reputable 4-6m noname brands you can probably get an equivalent cable
 

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Heroes Might& Magic Champ
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Discussion Starter · #8 · (Edited)
This is truly one of the internets true moments of glory, as these 'reviews' are some of the funniest stuff I have read in a while. Wicked find Pickle.

Some that I thought were hilarious:
Thanks snicko. Those are awesome comments indeed.

$500 is outrageous for a flimsy small 5 - 10 foot cable that doesn't offer anything over much cheaper cables/solutions.

Hmm I wonder if this is a prank/gag? oO
its no joke. People actually buy this garbage and buy into the marketing techinical mumbo jumbo.

there are comments on there from real buyers convinced that they are in audio bliss...
 

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The Hunter
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15,879 Posts
As far as I know the only difference is when you have a normal cable or a shielded one in case of analog signals. Digital is digital anyway, it works or it doesn't, and in case it doesn't either your cable is completely broken, or the signal was bad to start with no error correction, right? For the same money you can buy better equipment, which I think makes much more of a difference.
 

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Price: $500.00
1 used from $2,499.98
1 refurbished from $999.99

Wow. I think they'd have a bigger problem than the insulting price tag, like how to get someone to buy this if they're not completely nuts.

What a bag of s**t.
 

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This one is golden.


341 of 352 people found the following review helpful:

Solved Global Warming Locally, June 16, 2008
By Daniel A. Koblosh

After I took delivery of my $500 Denon AKDL1 Cat-5 uber-cable, Al Gore was mysteriously drawn to my home, where he pronounced that Global Warming had been suspended in my vicinity.

Yes, I had perfect weather: no flooding, no tornadoes, the exact amount of rain necessary, and he pronounced sea levels exactly right and that they were not going to rise within five miles of my house.

Additionally, my cars began achieving 200 mpg and I didn't even need gasoline. I was able to put three grams of cat litter into the tank and drive forever.

What's more, the atmosphere inside my home became 93% oxygen and virtually no carbon dioxide. In fact, I now exhale oxygen.

One heck of a cable.

Didn't notice any improvement in audio quality though.

The $800 Apple iCable is clearly superior.
 

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Curiously Cheddar
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God, I'm actually crying of laughter :rotflmao:

This thread deserves thread of the year. Seriously. *Wipes tears, and hugs sides*
 

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Obviously the comments/reviews are bogus just to poke fun at the fact the the cable is $500, you can get the same quality with something much cheaper, and that there is actually gullible consumers out there that would buy this crap..
 

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Knowledge is the solution
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This thread deserves thread of the year. Seriously. *Wipes tears, and hugs sides*
Huh? Why, we haven't said anything funny. If anything we quote what other funny people say. It sounds similar though, so it may pass.

In any case I just bought 10 of these things. With some luck all the fuzz over these cables will shoot their price over the roof and I'll get my investment back in a whooping 564 metric%. Then when the crisis end I'll probably be able to steal the cable awesomeness for myself and buy out Denon.
 
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