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Ya'ver drink Brazilian bold from fkn dunkn donuts!
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Dear Treyarch

I am writing you this letter in regards to the PC version of Spider-Man 3, the official game of the box office hit film which bears the same title, which you have developed and released as I for one am confused as to the quality of the title. Your previous titles Spider Man, and more importantly Spider Man 2 have been critically acclaimed as being some of the best Spider Man games to have ever existed and in some cases rated as one of the best games of the Playstation 2 and Xbox era, which as I am sure you are aware is no easy moniker to earn, however there are serious continuity issues with your latest iteration of your acclaimed series.

Firstly, I will begin by bringing your attention to the controls of our webbed hero. With the console versions the ability to control Parker is remarkable simple and quite natural, with several design choices being quite clever, such as the ability to only use adjacent buildings as points to swing from, and a combat system that is deviously simple, with two or three buttons assigned to delivering rather painful attacks on the baddies, with even more painful attacks being discovered with a carefully considered combination of the buttons available. This is fine with the console control pads, with plenty of buttons placed in a very ergonomic fashion, however with the transformation to keyboard and mouse something has gone seriously awry. It is no longer the case for simple and comfortable controls, as I have to continually contort my hands into many unnatural and quite worrying positions in order for me to get Spider Man swinging about town and perhaps, if the occasion calls for it, to layeth the sacketh down on some baddies and in the unlikely event that I do manage to pull this off I immediately must resort to an ice bath to sooth my severely crushed hands.

I must also alert you to the fact that when I applied logic in assigning the controls to actual control pad, apart from the Xbox 360 controller which worked rather well, became an exercise in masochism, with mapping controller buttons to work with the many, many different actions required to make the game fully playable is a rather ludicrous exercise as it plain and simply does not work in any shape or form. For the record, when I press up on the control pad to assign Spider Man to walk forwards, I intend for him to be able to walk forwards. Not left and right, as was the case.


Not pictured: actual PC visuals

The second point of which I would like to make is in regard to the performance of the game. I would assume that in this current day and age that playing video files through game software would be a rather simple task to achieve, as virtually every other game has had no issues playing videos, however Spider Man 3 seems to fall into the great minority, with the opening credits being choppy, slow and extremely pixilated. I would like to say that the issues regarding performance would stop here, unfortunately however they do continue on. The environment of New York City, while vibrant with the hustle and bustle of pedestrians and cars do set the tone of the Big Apple, it falls apart at the seams, with buildings appearing to not have final textures applied, looking as if they never came out of the bump mapping stage, almost all of the vehicles are yellow taxis, and the whole scene doesn’t appear to have any environmental effects, as everything is very bland and without any real natural look or feel to it whatsoever. To make matters worse, there is a great deal of stuttering when advancing through the concrete jungle, almost as if the streaming of the city cannot keep up with the action at hand, even if it is simply walking down the street, and these frequent stoppages are enough to make me want to uninstall the game and use the disk as a ritzy drink coaster.

Thankfully my last point you will be glad to hear is not a negative one, but of praise as the audio that you have provided goes a great distance in that you were able to get voice over work from several stars of the game, such as Toby Maguire, who did a very competent job and really goes a long way in justifying the games tie in with the film, but the biggest highlight was having the impeccable Bruce Campbell lend his voice as a narrator. His sarcastic wit and distinctiveness do elicit some charm, if only the rest of the production values achieved the same thing, then this letter would be entirely unnecessary, and you would be able to add another feather to your collective caps. Satisfyingly enough, the lack of any music when swinging around the cities sky scrapers and hearing only the wind rustle through the speakers is a great touch in creating a soothing atmosphere, when simply goosing about New York’s illustrious landscape.


Rego checks were borderline unscrupulous

Finally I would like to say that it is a great misfortune that Spider Man 3 came out in the fashion that it did, the previous installment was nothing short of brilliant and the aspect of choosing between making good and evil choices through the use of the symbioite suit did sound rather appeasing when you good fellows were previewing the game to the public, it is a shame then in virtually all aspects that Spider Man 3 evolved into a sloppy mess. Should the controls, visuals, and general playability of the game had been up to par with gaming standards, a standard that you yourselves have helped to develop with super hero sandbox style gameplay, then Spider Man 3 would have been an essential purchase. Unfortunately, it is everything but.

If this were a review, I would imagine the scores would look as follows:

Gameplay – 45
Visuals – 50
Audio – 87
Overall – 58


Disappointing on just about every critical level and should have been so, so much more. I do wish you well with your next projects and hope that this sort of thing doesn’t happen again, as the wasted potential is a right shame.

Regards,

snickothemule.

In case anyone is wondering, yes this is indeed a game review, it is just so bad that I had to write it in the form of an open letter to Treyarch.
 

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Better be better than yesterday
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4,098 Posts
Disappointing on just about every critical level and should have been so, so much more. I do wish you well with your next projects and hope that this sort of thing doesn’t happen again, as the wasted potential is a right shame.
Unfortunately, Web of shadows is as bad as Spiderman 3. At least IMHO. on my modest config where Dead Space is running 80% well (1gb ram, 2.5ghz celeron and 256 mb 7600gs) the game lagged as hell, there was no possibilities to tweak visuals, sound was choppy and story interesting but not well presented. The Game Got the **** out my DD two hours after install. At least, I borrowed it from a friend. Ah yeah, one positive point: the uninstall menu was very well made.
 

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!
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Spiderman games are always a fun games, especially the old ones. I enjoyed them all and i has good memories with them.

Dunno why, but Spiderman games reminds me of Robocop games :p

And hey, nice review snick, as usual :)
Ah yeah, one positive point: the uninstall menu was very well made.
Lol
 
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