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A couple of months ago I promised you guys to tell you about the holiday and everything. I'm just kind of lazy and certain things I will only do after I have found a real reason to do so.... I had some kind of impulse last week when thinking about my life while doing some mindless work.
Hmmm, now where to start
Back to summer 2004: After being through a breakup with my GF back then I went on holiday with my parents and my brother. I enjoyed it at certain rare moments, but most of the time was hell… someone was missing
Those of you knowing the story can imagine it caused a lot of friction whenever my parents were talking about the fact that they are missing that certain person as well. There were some moments when I just felt like breaking down…. And it happened a couple of times.
Back home I went to her place and we talked about our holidays and I explained mine was the worst one since the one before
At that moment her mom (who’s more like a mom than my own one will ever be) suggested something: Why not go visit Mike? (R2RX), Kenya’s a beautiful country, I can show you the photos of the trip I made a couple of years ago!
Back then the whole idea felt a bit strange. I never went on holiday all by myself at all. Never have I been in an airplane
But on the other hand it did sound like a very nice idea. Of course at first I needed to talk about it with the person I would be going to visit.
In the meantime my ex and I got into some nice problems as well… She let me down a lot of times… I decided she was worth my effort despite the fact we both wanted it to work as a normal friendship, at least those were her words. So in January I cut contact after a long time of endless frustration. (DW, what you said in Miretank’s thread surely helps, more on that later
However I did stay in contact with her mother, we were both discussing things about the holiday, and of course more about her daughter as well… She has never been able to let me as ‘the perfect one’ :heh: Later on I also made a promise to show the pictures at their place whenever I would be back.
Meanwhile I was looking forward to everything more and more, just like the family in Kenya. To me it really felt like finally being able to be gone from my parents, to prove that I’m able to break free. I told them back in the beginning of this year I think, while they were discussing their own holiday plans and asking me about mine :evil: That’s when I told them in a way too chilled way about going to Kenya. The first thing they asked was about how I was going to get the money. I was laughing my butt of silently just because I KNEW I was going to get that question from my dad, as I would know they wouldn’t want to see me go there :lol: Of course I had prepared for it so I could respond just by saying there are no worries about that and that I was taking care of everything with eliana’s mom. I was really determined not to let THIS trip slip away. Especially since I knew there was another person at the other side of the world really looking forward to it, just like me.
Initially I was planning to go somewhere in the second week of June, so that I would be back on time to go on holiday with my parents as well, so that it wouldn’t be so boring for my brother. He’s the only reason I’d love to go, even during that crappy holiday we still had fun owning my father at playing cards, and playing WWF Attitude and Soul Calibur for the DC together. (Yeah I took it with me just in case :innocent: My parents loved to play Bust-a-Move 4 and Dynablaster/Bomberman 2 for NES as well)
Alright back on topic now ^^
I was planning to go in June but I found out I might need to give some of my exams a second try to get my diploma, so I was trying to June 30. It turned out I had to go the day before I would be get my diploma officially. Later I heard the teachers were calling for me to come on stage and my best friend went to front to whisper one of them that I was in Kenya….
When I finally wanted to book everything officially it turned out I had some unexpected costs… I had to buy a suit for the prom oO While my mother told me earlier that they would pay it, now it turned out I had to pay it myself. I felt like **** by being stabbed in the back by them for the second time in my life when I was about to a trip very important to me… Again I felt the dream slipping out of my hands…..
Luckily my mom jumped in and did helped me out to a certain extend, my father however didn’t care, not that I had expected him to
Later Eliana’s mom offered to help me by lending me money, but that was something I refused. I really appreciated her offer but this is something I had to do on my own. Of course this resulted in having to work my arse off until the day before I left
And because of a raise of salary (I had my birthday in May) and the fact I still had some money left from my b’day made me feel safe about the trip again….
Until I found out I was kinda late with booking my flights so that I might have to go in July…. Luckily again we found a solution for the 28th, so that was going to be THE day
This would give me exactly enough time to make the money required :laugh:
A few hints for all you guys reading this:
- Don’t wait too long with booking your flights
- Don’t go to 5 concerts in 4 weeks before you are planning to go on an expensive trip
- Get a girlfriend nearby and not €40,- away
Ahhhh yes…. Finally
The week before I left I still had some phone calls to make as a way to say goodbye. I also called Eli’s mom and after having a small conversation I asked her to give the phone to Eliana. I could hear her face resembled this smiley oO Don’t worry you guys, I was doing it with a purpose. When working I always turn off my normal brain functions and go on autopilot, and usually I’m just thinking about everything in my life. Asking myself questions about if I’m happy, what’s missing…. I had so much hate cropped up inside, I forced myself to hate that one person, and I had very good reasons to do so. How could I still be kind to the person who’s hurt me so many times? Yeah I know she wanted me back badly, her new relationship was on the edge of breaking just because I wasn’t in her life anymore… She found out she couldn’t live without me, yet I kept her at a distance. I’ve had to explain it to her mom that Eliana just isn’t worth my time, and I said it in the most cynical way I could. The worst thing was that she knew I was right and that my reasons were good enough to keep her out of my life. Yet at the same time she knew that on the inside I didn’t feel okay… I’m not the person who wants to hate someone. After thinking a lot about all these feelings, about my reasons, about what I really want, I decided to talk ask for her on the phone.
It was a very strange experience… especially after what happened back in March. I was going out at a club with my best friend, and suddenly she was standing in front of me. Saying she wanted to talk to me. I ignored her, but I knew that she would talk anyway.. When she wanted to put her hand on my shoulder I threw it away, told her to **** off and I walked away… Of course my whole night was messed up if it weren’t for another girl being there: The closest friend of her new bf who has been one of my best friends ever since last December. Giving her a good hug when I went home with eliana standing next to her sure didn’t do her well xD
During that conversation on the phone we talked about that event, I told her she should not blame me for what happened but that she should blame herself, however everything we said was done in a very mature way, no fight whatsoever. She was still in shock because she could actually hear my voice in the first place :heh: It all left a good feeling, and that’s exactly how I wanted to go on holiday: In good terms with the people back in Holland. And I really did not want to leave in bad terms with Eliana, cause I wanted to be free from home, not constantly having to think about the same problems. Of course this didn’t mean all was going fine now, all I did was grant her the pleasure of being able to hear my voice and say goodbye to me. What seemed to me as a good way to start off after burying the weapons. Especially since that new girl (patricia) was causing a lot of tension between eliana, her mom and myself. Being in a triangle can be bad, imagine being in some trouble with 5 ppl including your ex-mother-in-law
[to be continued]
Alright, so far for the first part of the story, I will post more of it later, but now there’s someone coming over to my place so I have to stop writing. I hope you enjoyed it. I’ll be back with more about whatever has kept me busy during the time the love thread was gone
Hmmm, now where to start
Back to summer 2004: After being through a breakup with my GF back then I went on holiday with my parents and my brother. I enjoyed it at certain rare moments, but most of the time was hell… someone was missing
Back home I went to her place and we talked about our holidays and I explained mine was the worst one since the one before
Back then the whole idea felt a bit strange. I never went on holiday all by myself at all. Never have I been in an airplane
In the meantime my ex and I got into some nice problems as well… She let me down a lot of times… I decided she was worth my effort despite the fact we both wanted it to work as a normal friendship, at least those were her words. So in January I cut contact after a long time of endless frustration. (DW, what you said in Miretank’s thread surely helps, more on that later
However I did stay in contact with her mother, we were both discussing things about the holiday, and of course more about her daughter as well… She has never been able to let me as ‘the perfect one’ :heh: Later on I also made a promise to show the pictures at their place whenever I would be back.
Meanwhile I was looking forward to everything more and more, just like the family in Kenya. To me it really felt like finally being able to be gone from my parents, to prove that I’m able to break free. I told them back in the beginning of this year I think, while they were discussing their own holiday plans and asking me about mine :evil: That’s when I told them in a way too chilled way about going to Kenya. The first thing they asked was about how I was going to get the money. I was laughing my butt of silently just because I KNEW I was going to get that question from my dad, as I would know they wouldn’t want to see me go there :lol: Of course I had prepared for it so I could respond just by saying there are no worries about that and that I was taking care of everything with eliana’s mom. I was really determined not to let THIS trip slip away. Especially since I knew there was another person at the other side of the world really looking forward to it, just like me.
Initially I was planning to go somewhere in the second week of June, so that I would be back on time to go on holiday with my parents as well, so that it wouldn’t be so boring for my brother. He’s the only reason I’d love to go, even during that crappy holiday we still had fun owning my father at playing cards, and playing WWF Attitude and Soul Calibur for the DC together. (Yeah I took it with me just in case :innocent: My parents loved to play Bust-a-Move 4 and Dynablaster/Bomberman 2 for NES as well)
Alright back on topic now ^^
I was planning to go in June but I found out I might need to give some of my exams a second try to get my diploma, so I was trying to June 30. It turned out I had to go the day before I would be get my diploma officially. Later I heard the teachers were calling for me to come on stage and my best friend went to front to whisper one of them that I was in Kenya….
When I finally wanted to book everything officially it turned out I had some unexpected costs… I had to buy a suit for the prom oO While my mother told me earlier that they would pay it, now it turned out I had to pay it myself. I felt like **** by being stabbed in the back by them for the second time in my life when I was about to a trip very important to me… Again I felt the dream slipping out of my hands…..
Luckily my mom jumped in and did helped me out to a certain extend, my father however didn’t care, not that I had expected him to
Until I found out I was kinda late with booking my flights so that I might have to go in July…. Luckily again we found a solution for the 28th, so that was going to be THE day
This would give me exactly enough time to make the money required :laugh:
A few hints for all you guys reading this:
- Don’t wait too long with booking your flights
- Don’t go to 5 concerts in 4 weeks before you are planning to go on an expensive trip
- Get a girlfriend nearby and not €40,- away
Ahhhh yes…. Finally
The week before I left I still had some phone calls to make as a way to say goodbye. I also called Eli’s mom and after having a small conversation I asked her to give the phone to Eliana. I could hear her face resembled this smiley oO Don’t worry you guys, I was doing it with a purpose. When working I always turn off my normal brain functions and go on autopilot, and usually I’m just thinking about everything in my life. Asking myself questions about if I’m happy, what’s missing…. I had so much hate cropped up inside, I forced myself to hate that one person, and I had very good reasons to do so. How could I still be kind to the person who’s hurt me so many times? Yeah I know she wanted me back badly, her new relationship was on the edge of breaking just because I wasn’t in her life anymore… She found out she couldn’t live without me, yet I kept her at a distance. I’ve had to explain it to her mom that Eliana just isn’t worth my time, and I said it in the most cynical way I could. The worst thing was that she knew I was right and that my reasons were good enough to keep her out of my life. Yet at the same time she knew that on the inside I didn’t feel okay… I’m not the person who wants to hate someone. After thinking a lot about all these feelings, about my reasons, about what I really want, I decided to talk ask for her on the phone.
It was a very strange experience… especially after what happened back in March. I was going out at a club with my best friend, and suddenly she was standing in front of me. Saying she wanted to talk to me. I ignored her, but I knew that she would talk anyway.. When she wanted to put her hand on my shoulder I threw it away, told her to **** off and I walked away… Of course my whole night was messed up if it weren’t for another girl being there: The closest friend of her new bf who has been one of my best friends ever since last December. Giving her a good hug when I went home with eliana standing next to her sure didn’t do her well xD
During that conversation on the phone we talked about that event, I told her she should not blame me for what happened but that she should blame herself, however everything we said was done in a very mature way, no fight whatsoever. She was still in shock because she could actually hear my voice in the first place :heh: It all left a good feeling, and that’s exactly how I wanted to go on holiday: In good terms with the people back in Holland. And I really did not want to leave in bad terms with Eliana, cause I wanted to be free from home, not constantly having to think about the same problems. Of course this didn’t mean all was going fine now, all I did was grant her the pleasure of being able to hear my voice and say goodbye to me. What seemed to me as a good way to start off after burying the weapons. Especially since that new girl (patricia) was causing a lot of tension between eliana, her mom and myself. Being in a triangle can be bad, imagine being in some trouble with 5 ppl including your ex-mother-in-law
[to be continued]
Alright, so far for the first part of the story, I will post more of it later, but now there’s someone coming over to my place so I have to stop writing. I hope you enjoyed it. I’ll be back with more about whatever has kept me busy during the time the love thread was gone