[Smooth Criminal]

Hi there......i ..damn i am shocked now....(i have got to know this 30 minutes earlier)

heres the story of the guy.....any suggestions on what i can do to help him..

he was in love with a girl for 7 years and last year his girl was under going diagnosis of some incurable heart disease and all the efforts failed and on his birthday she breathed her last breath......since then he is in the state of acute depression(somehow he hided it from all the frds by giving some excuses) and has attempted suicide multiple times.....cut marks his arms and chest and done **** like that........every time he tried it the docs give him shock therapy to keep him at bay for sometime.his most recent attmept being a week back.......

i don't know how to react with the situation.........i want to help that guy....help him at least leave the suicidal tendencies(getting over it doesnt seem possible at this point of time)........ i am in tears currently.....coz he said me this out of the blue......no one expected that something this bad can happen to such a gracious guy......any ideas on how can i make him feel better/help him get over the thing would be appreciated.......

 

[Squall-Leonhart]

~edit~

>_<

im not awake enough for this topic.

 

[Irukapooka]

First off, let him know that you are there for him. And that you love him. Show him that there is a reason to live for now. Even though it sucks and you may not understand it, try to be there for him, cry with him when he cries, let him know that you are willing to try and understand everything but also let him know that you are there for him.

It saddens me that this guy has lost a woman that he loved due to a disease. It shouldn't have happened. She died before her time. It must literally be killing at him to be alive while she is not. But you need to be there for him and try to show him that he still needs to live and that he would be missed if he was gone.

And I'm sure that his girl would probably not have wanted him to do all these things just because she had died. I'm sure she is crying with you and him.

 

[Mad]

Irukapooka said everything i wanted to tell you.

Friends are an important part of our lives.
Let him know that he's important to you, and many people will miss him if he goes before his time.
It may be hard, but try to be around him, you or other friends, all the time.

I know a friend who was going ST, but now she has daughter, husband, a nice family. But it was really hard to go through.

 

[Proto]

After having to deal with someone close to mine with suicidal tendencies... I know it's something quite hard to take and manage. It highly depends on what stage he is in, however if he is already in the stage where he has had serious attempts to suicide I would seek and talk with his relatives to take and intern him into an specialized medical institution. There are centers out there that specialize on suicide cases. There is a stage when you have to stop and recognize that the situation is already outside of non specialized hands.

 

[Paratech]

After having to deal with someone close to mine with suicidal tendencies... I know it's something quite hard to take and manage. It highly depends on what stage he is in, however if he is already in the stage where he has had serious attempts to suicide I would seek and talk with his relatives to take and intern him into an specialized medical institution. There are centers out there that specialize on suicide cases. There is a stage when you have to stop and recognize that the situation is already outside of non specialized hands.

I agree, he needs to be hospitalized! Immediately! My thoughts and prayers go out to you (O.P.) and your friend. I've dealt with depression, and at the moment the medications I'm on help me quite a bit...

:thumb:

 

[Irukapooka]

I agree that medical help and therapy may help him. But just PLEASE make sure to do what I told you in my first post in this thread. It will help him a lot more if you let him know those things. He needs to know that you're there for him. Then, when you make sure that he knows that, then you can help him with medical help if he decides to go that route.

(no, I'm not condoning medical help. It has helped me in the past and many friends and family members that I know and love.)

 

[|-xA-|]

Imo, I don't think therapy helps. He needs a reason to live. Being depressed makes you feel empty. Help him out and show him there's still a reason to live. His family and friends will miss him if he dies, like he misses the person he loves.

 

[Mdkcheatz]

I can try my best to explain anything I might know.

I was once a sufferer of suicidal thoughts. I never attempted, but ran the experience in my head many times over. If pushed, I probably would have done so.

I too never told anyone about this for half my life. Mostly during the stages I was most likely to actually follow through with such a deed.

I had to live with no support what so ever. People who eventually begun to know never helped either. I have been forcefully suffocated, drowned, beaten, forced to take cold showers, some other things I choose not to mention because of the disgusting nature, heart broken by my ex girlfriend, rejected by people I thought cared for me... etc etc, and through all that, the worst feeling was having to be alone through the whole process.

In your friend's situation, he has lost someone he loved dearly to him (so I assume from what you posted). He is probably feeling the same kind of loneliness I felt during my reign of complete despair..

This in itself was enough to make me go crazy in the head. How I still stand strong is through is through my own determination and through the learning of many traumatic experiences...

As far as medical treatments go... I am highly against them as they more often than not half bad side effects and long term damage.

The best way to help someone with suicidal tenancies, is to make sure they are not feeling alone, include them in as many social activities as possible.. and most of all, help them to move on by talking to them asking questions to how they feel. They need a lot of attention. And the best way to move on is to get them to move on too. Giving them a reason to move on helps too.

Anyway, if you wanna talk in msn more about this, then feel free to add me..

 

[Proto]

Being depressed in its more advanced stages is more often than not a chemical condition rather than a psychological one. Peep talk can only do so much. It's not thinking that therapy maybe could or not help. We aren't talking about a level of depression where just telling I love you can help after all. We are talking about a level that has almost taken his live already. It's no longer "suicidal tendencies", but tried to suicide and failed.

Of course I'm not saying that it's a matter of just tossing your friend to the doctors and they will cure him 100% for you. Showing support, love and affection is an important part of the recovery process. But that is only part of the process.

 

[verboten999]

The important thing for you, Shafeen to remember is that you are not responsible for your friend's condition. I'm not saying this to be cold, but it is the truth. You can be of help by providing moral support, stay by his side when he needs the most, but do remember there are some things that you just cannot change, especially concerning one's feelings or thoughts. Depression like many other psychological dysfunctional issues, especially the near-pathological state is a very complex process to undergo, let alone be cured. In that sense it is important for you to keep your own mental well-being so that you can provide your friend with adequate support without you being burnt out.

I agree to consult your friend to a professional help. I do not recommend medication unless it is ultimately necessary, but that is my personal preference. What Iruka said is also important. Therapy, or medication or professional help isn't sufficient or never enough without the support of those around him. Let him know that he is loved and he is able to love no matter who the subject is. Let him know that he is not weak, nor the circumstances is his fault. It is a long process and sometimes a painful struggle, either for him or for those around him. That's why you need to be strong and not falter whatever happens. The last thing, never forget to pray for him. No matter whether you believe in God or not, prayers are always a good thing to do.

I pray for your friend, and for you Shafeen

 

[Proto]

No matter whether you believe in God or not, prayers are always a good thing to do.

Well, if the objective is to obtain some self relief and insight then Yoga is a better (and scientifically proven) option, but whatever, let's not derail the discussion....

 

[Mdkcheatz]

I say the best cure is socializing... this not only gives value in one's life, but it indirectly prevents one from also thinking/attempting suicide. Now when I say socializing, I mean actually interacting with the "click" and not merely sitting on the side like an αsshat watching everyone else conversing...

I'm talking from first hand experience








Fyi, in case I get some sort of comments of disapproval from any cold hearted individual who feels like they need to question my philosophies like I usually get, please understand that I am completely aware that different people respond differently from various coping methods. But as far as I understand, this method actually works, and is not an assumption like most comments I have seen so far as I am preaching from my own experiences. Also, according to the various studies I have read, and through my own logic, there is no doubt that humans are always social creatures, and that if there is an exception, there is reasoning behind it.

 

[Irukapooka]

I just want to add to your post, MDK. Yes, some people are social butterflies. But you know this about me and so do some other people, but when I get depressed or very very angry or sad, I just want to be left alone. And if people keep bothering me then it annoys the hell out of me and my emotions just rise.

What I do like is when a person tells me that they're there for me. And then leave me alone when I ask them to. I do a lot better when I am alone rather than when a person makes me leave the house. But I do really really appreciate it when people tell me that they are there for me and don't press the matter.

You know your friend better than us. So you can judge if he would be better staying in the middle of a group of friends, or if he needs alone time. Whatever choice you choose, let him know how much you care for him and that you're there for him.

 

[Mdkcheatz]

Bree, There is much truth to what you say, however, might I add that in his case, there are suicidal tenancies either by thought or by action... Either way, suicide is a huge sign of lacking self worth. I am pretty sure if you got to a suicidal point, that you wouldn't truly want to be alone.

Shafeen, I guess between everyone who gave their great advice and recommendations, and what Bree says above... I guess we can all agree that it doesn't hurt to ask your friend if he doesn't mind being social or just wants to be alone...

Hopefully he doesn't want to be alone I would just keep a close eye on him.

 

[verboten999]

Well, if the objective is to obtain some self relief and insight then Yoga is a better (and scientifically proven) option, but whatever, let's not derail the discussion....

yeah, the main reason why I suggested that is because that is one way that I understand, and like many of us here, that comes from personal experience. It comes in many different ways, yoga is one of the most effective and one of the most popular ones. Breathing techniques, and misogi can work that way.

One thing about therapy (well, medication is not really my forte, so instead of making a fool of myself talking about something I don't know, I'll just let it be discussed by the guys who understand the subject better) is that therapy does not heal the subject. Therapists are rarely witch doctors who can

 

[Smooth Criminal]

First off, let him know that you are there for him. And that you love him. Show him that there is a reason to live for now. Even though it sucks and you may not understand it, try to be there for him, cry with him when he cries, let him know that you are willing to try and understand everything but also let him know that you are there for him.

It saddens me that this guy has lost a woman that he loved due to a disease. It shouldn't have happened. She died before her time. It must literally be killing at him to be alive while she is not. But you need to be there for him and try to show him that he still needs to live and that he would be missed if he was gone.

And I'm sure that his girl would probably not have wanted him to do all these things just because she had died. I'm sure she is crying with you and him.

the same thing that i have said to him when i came to my senses.

Let him know that he's important to you, and many people will miss him if he goes before his time.
It may be hard, but try to be around him, you or other friends, all the time.

I know a friend who was going ST, but now she has daughter, husband, a nice family. But it was really hard to go through.

hmm would try that.

After having to deal with someone close to mine with suicidal tendencies... I know it's something quite hard to take and manage. It highly depends on what stage he is in, however if he is already in the stage where he has had serious attempts to suicide I would seek and talk with his relatives to take and intern him into an specialized medical institution. There are centers out there that specialize on suicide cases. There is a stage when you have to stop and recognize that the situation is already outside of non specialized hands.

he had already changed 3 psychiatrist in the last year alone.he said he had under went shock therapy too would try to know more if he is in contact with a specialist in these cases

Imo, I don't think therapy helps. He needs a reason to live. Being depressed makes you feel empty. Help him out and show him there's still a reason to live. His family and friends will miss him if he dies, like he misses the person he loves.

i am thinking of like suggesting him some project or something(i have had a thought to include him with me in a project that i am working on....its an international level project....maybe that would give him some reason to live)....

I was once a sufferer of suicidal thoughts. I never attempted, but ran the experience in my head many times over. If pushed, I probably would have done so.

I too never told anyone about this for half my life. Mostly during the stages I was most likely to actually follow through with such a deed.

I had to live with no support what so ever. People who eventually begun to know never helped either. I have been forcefully suffocated, drowned, beaten, forced to take cold showers, some other things I choose not to mention because of the disgusting nature, heart broken by my ex girlfriend, rejected by people I thought cared for me... etc etc, and through all that, the worst feeling was having to be alone through the whole process.

In your friend's situation, he has lost someone he loved dearly to him (so I assume from what you posted). He is probably feeling the same kind of loneliness I felt during my reign of complete despair..

This in itself was enough to make me go crazy in the head. How I still stand strong is through is through my own determination and through the learning of many traumatic experiences...

As far as medical treatments go... I am highly against them as they more often than not half bad side effects and long term damage.

The best way to help someone with suicidal tenancies, is to make sure they are not feeling alone, include them in as many social activities as possible.. and most of all, help them to move on by talking to them asking questions to how they feel. They need a lot of attention. And the best way to move on is to get them to move on too. Giving them a reason to move on helps too.

Anyway, if you wanna talk in msn more about this, then feel free to add me..

thanks for sharing you won experience.........one strange thing that he is the best social person i have ever seen in my life...he has a lot of frds he can gel around anyone he talks to once(he and i were staring at a counter strike championship poster in the college when we became frds)so i think the problem aint with socializing the sorrow of losing her is.

Being depressed in its more advanced stages is more often than not a chemical condition rather than a psychological one. Peep talk can only do so much. It's not thinking that therapy maybe could or not help. We aren't talking about a level of depression where just telling I love you can help after all. We are talking about a level that has almost taken his live already. It's no longer "suicidal tendencies", but tried to suicide and failed.

Of course I'm not saying that it's a matter of just tossing your friend to the doctors and they will cure him 100% for you. Showing support, love and affection is an important part of the recovery process. But that is only part of the process.

correct there

I pray for your friend, and for you Shafeen

thanks man,btw the guy i am talking is from other section/stream all together and we met only during lunches(hi,bye kinda stuff).....so i dont know much about his family and stuff....i think i should contact his other class frds and do a collective effort about it.

I say the best cure is socializing...







.

I just want to add to your post, MDK. Yes, some people are social butterflies. But you know this about me and so do some other people, but when I get depressed or very very angry or sad, I just want to be left alone. And if people keep bothering me then it annoys the hell out of me and my emotions just rise.

What I do like is when a person tells me that they're there for me. And then leave me alone when I ask them to. I do a lot better when I am alone rather than when a person makes me leave the house. But I do really really appreciate it when people tell me that they are there for me and don't press the matter.

You know your friend better than us. So you can judge if he would be better staying in the middle of a group of friends, or if he needs alone time. Whatever choice you choose, let him know how much you care for him and that you're there for him.

Bree, There is much truth to what you say, however, might I add that in his case, there are suicidal tenancies either by thought or by action... Either way, suicide is a huge sign of lacking self worth. I am pretty sure if you got to a suicidal point, that you wouldn't truly want to be alone.

Shafeen, I guess between everyone who gave their great advice and recommendations, and what Bree says above... I guess we can all agree that it doesn't hurt to ask your friend if he doesn't mind being social or just wants to be alone...

Hopefully he doesn't want to be alone I would just keep a close eye on him.

yeah.....i think he is okay till he stays with frds and stuff but when he is at home alone or something that his darker side takes over him.The below words are his words to me via chat....damn i would never forget these words
"u know what the hard part is......its pretending.....pretending that everything is normal...laughing when u feel like crying.........i have tears in my eyes but i cant weep"

i cant believe that such a thing happened to such a gr8 guy......i fell very very sorry for him...
thank you all for the response....i didn't expect that i would get so many good advices from u guys.......

thanks once again..........

 

[Spyhop]

I don't think anyone here could offer any real advice without knowing your friend. Different people respond differently to different things. If I were ever contemplating suicide, which I wouldn't, but if I were a bunch of people trying to act differently around me wouldn't work. The sappier people get around me, the more I perceive it as phony. However, if someone gave me a verbal kick in the pants, I would most likely respond to that much better.

I'm not telling you to go tell your buddy to stop being a ****ing retard and pull himself together, I'm just saying I think the only people who would know how best to deal with him are the people who know him, not strangers on the webs.

 

[Smooth Criminal]

yeah correct there.....i have decided to meet with a few of his close frds(from his class) tmmrw ........would see if they have anything to say about this

 

[Mdkcheatz]

yeah.....i think he is okay till he stays with frds and stuff but when he is at home alone or something that his darker side takes over him.The below words are his words to me via chat....damn i would never forget these words
"u know what the hard part is......its pretending.....pretending that everything is normal...laughing when u feel like crying.........i have tears in my eyes but i cant weep"

i cant believe that such a thing happened to such a gr8 guy......i fell very very sorry for him...

I can relate as I too have felt the same way many times. Especially wanting to cry and realizing I cannot.

taking this knowledge you have so kindly informed, and from how I would want things to be... I would say he needs people to open up to. Not just little things, but EVERYTHING.... I know with me, in person, I wouldn't and havn't for the most part, told anyone about what happened to me... HOWEVER, I have had people in real life that I had actually HAD to share my experiences and sorrows. There is nothing worse than to face despair alone, but to have someone watch your back can be the difference between one's sanity.

Luckily for him, he has someone like you who has taken an interest. At my college, people are seemingly evil. I have not had the same opportunity (excusing any self discoveries and people I may have incidentally hurt online to compensate for what lacked in person.)

If he is already social, that is great, it seems like to me knowing this, that he needs someone closer than just a friend. Like a brother. Or a new girlfriend if you can manage it :O (not saying she would replace the other one, but if he falls in love, he will have a value in his life to keep strong for...)

I know it seems like its impossible to move on to a new relationship, but I know its completely possible as I have had to face the inevitable myself and move on. It's by far heartbreaking and tormenting to go through, but its still very much possible.