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Discussion Starter #1
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, Voodoo
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor isn't it true that when a person dies in his

sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding' me?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting' laid!

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you ****tin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different

attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.
 

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The one and only
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3,658 Posts
ahahahah that was a great laugh especially the last
 

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...and now they do.
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20,002 Posts
Damn... those are the kinds of lawyers you NEVER see on TV. Granted, some were just answered out of context.
 

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Heroes Might& Magic Champ
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4,713 Posts
Boy you crack me up Kazuya :rotflmao:
 

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Curiously Cheddar
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2,077 Posts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

....
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
 

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I has got Anatidaephobia
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1,345 Posts
lol that was some funny ****. Post some more Mire
 

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Banned
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23,263 Posts
this **** is so 2004.... like seriously its that old.
 

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Banned
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23,263 Posts
why would you expect that? you can get a law degree in a pack of corn flakes nowadays.
 

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AKA snkmad
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4,030 Posts
Ouch Mire, that had to hurt.
You know, me being a lawyer...but those were really damn funny!
Post moar!
 

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AKA snkmad
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4,030 Posts
Double-post please delete me.
 

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Hackin 'n Slashin
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28,630 Posts
Awesome lulz indeed :lol:
 
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