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I'm dangerous
533 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(Act 1)
Ah Beng to a long-distance telephone operator : "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND Las Vegas?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."

(Act 2)
At a bar in New York,the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE" and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Ah Beng replies: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

(Act 3)
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims. "YOU ARE A FOOL".
Ah Beng replies, SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN "FOR 4-7 YRS".

(Act 4)
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he become very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng: "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me...."

(Act 5)
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. ?
Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the other ear?"
"That stupid dumb called back!"

Act 6)
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

(>^_^)> *KIRBY*
2,612 Posts
lol funne :)

playing FGO
10,134 Posts
Mostly old jokes (especially the Iron one), replaced with another name. But classic jokes nonetheless.... I wonder why you picked on Taiwanese, though....

11,307 Posts
Shiori: the most interesting thing about the jokes to me is that Ah Beng's name is very similar to a very strange friend of mine from back in the day, which made admittedly old jokes more humorous because I could see him saying stuff like that.

playing FGO
10,134 Posts
LOL! :D wish i had an acquaintance like that. :p

11,307 Posts
Fine...random jokes.

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush, "There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!"

George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell me what you see?"

Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful."

George Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street."

Osama asks, "And what do they say?"

George answers, "Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"


What to not say to the nice policeman:

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop! No doughnut!

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

I pay your salary!

So, uh, you on the take or what?

Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?


Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''

A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay her brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
24 cents short of a quarter.


Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him.
"Nice pigs, sir!"
"Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs -- they're Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."
"Nice trade, sir!"


Did you hear about the Alabama Lottery? You can win $20 dollars every year for the next million years.
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