[ShadowDancer]

I'm getting through it. I haven't cried yet but I did slam my fist into my desk and ripped open my pinky knuckle with her on the phone. You pour all your feelings into someone and you get stabbed in teh back like this? This is the most horrible pain ever besides having someone close to me die. I have never experienced anything like this and I don't ever want to. I can't believe this is happening to me and it feels like a really bad dream. I just wish I could go to sleep and make this go all away.

 

[MT]

You pour all your feelings into someone and you get stabbed in teh back like this?

it happens a lot of times, not only with girlfriends, but with people around you consider with friends... well, I REALLY'd like to say smth about my OWN experience but I never had a situation like yours though never had a serious relationship. what I can say is that this will go away and you'll get better soon

I have never experienced anything like this and I don't ever want to. I can't believe this is happening to me and it feels like a really bad dream. I just wish I could go to sleep and make this go all away.

unfortunately, it happens to every human in this earth
but face up mighty warrior! this loss made you a lot stronger and experienced. you'll know how to handle future situations better than this one
and keep in mind: girls come and go - friends not

 

[ShadowDancer]

it happens a lot of times, not only with girlfriends, but with people around you consider with friends... well, I REALLY'd like to say smth about my OWN experience but I never had a situation like yours though never had a serious relationship. what I can say is that this will go away and you'll get better soon


unfortunately, it happens to every human in this earth
but face up mighty warrior! this loss made you a lot stronger and experienced. you'll know how to handle future situations better than this one
and keep in mind: girls come and go - friends not

lol mighty warrior, that made me laugh

Yeah you're right though. I'll get valuable experience but it's really hard trusting a person from this point on. She was a person that I knew really really well and I loved her for the way that she is. But one day your whole world comes tumbling down and everything you knew that was right is wrong. I'm glad I'm a person who has faith in my religion because this is all that is getting me through this.

As for the friends thing you said that they don't go. She used to be my best friend in the world so that went out the window.

 

[MT]

As for the friends thing you said that they don't go. She used to be my best friend in the world so that went out the window.

have you read "i need to talk" thread?
what I can say is: at the moment you start to love a friend, two things may happen: 1st, you two get along as bf/gf, or 2nd, the friendship becomes more 'powerful'. if no one of these things happens, you could be sure that the girl isn't your best friend in the world
and went out the window cause she was your girlfriend not because she was your friend

but I must say that she must be suffering too. She may be having the same thought yours. and probably she'll get a little distant, but there's no need to worry - she needs to think about everything. You have seen that the relationship as bf/gf isn't the best way for you two, so, why you two don't try to start over the friendship again? and again: if she doesn't accept you as friend anymore (what I doubt, since you're very close friends), she does not worth your love as a friend.

of course i'm saying that imho, and I may not imagine what you're really feeling shadow, cause its easy for other person analyze the situation and give guesses. I know its easy to say all of this (and to make these things real are hard), but I really hope this can help you somehow

 

[ShadowDancer]

have you read "i need to talk" thread?
what I can say is: at the moment you start to love a friend, two things may happen: 1st, you two get along as bf/gf, or 2nd, the friendship becomes more 'powerful'. if no one of these things happens, you could be sure that the girl isn't your best friend in the world
and went out the window cause she was your girlfriend not because she was your friend

but I must say that she must be suffering too. She may be having the same thought yours. and probably she'll get a little distant, but there's no need to worry - she needs to think about everything. You have seen that the relationship as bf/gf isn't the best way for you two, so, why you two don't try to start over the friendship again? and again: if she doesn't accept you as friend anymore (what I doubt, since you're very close friends), she does not worth your love as a friend.

of course i'm saying that imho, and I may not imagine what you're really feeling shadow, cause its easy for other person analyze the situation and give guesses. I know its easy to say all of this (and to make these things real are hard), but I really hope this can help you somehow

I would love to be friends with her again and she said she wouldn't mind but I don't think I can do that right now. I would have to hear about her guy problems or whatever problems with them arises and I would have to hear about stuff that I dont' wanna know. It would be just too painful I think. Maybe with time but not right now. Ugh this is so hard!

Thanks though Miretank because you've been really helpful. You're saying the right things and they're helping me out because I'm too sad to think straight.

 

[MT]

I would love to be friends with her again and she said she wouldn't mind but I don't think I can do that right now. I would have to hear about her guy problems or whatever problems with them arises and I would have to hear about stuff that I dont' wanna know. It would be just too painful I think. Maybe with time but not right now. Ugh this is so hard!

this one I can quote and say from my own experience: yeah, take some to you, i understand this is hard cause I faced this some months (months?) ago. heal yourself up, put things in order inside your heart and restart from where you've stopped. also, you don't need to restart your friendship now -as you said, you'll need sometime- and adding to this, just relax and take all the time you need to tame and put reason in your feelings ok? i don't know how old are you, but like me and everyone, more loves will come and go. and maybe you'll find loves that you'll love more than this friend then... be prepared for more chapters!

And do not worry. We are here to help each other


offtopic: btw, thanks for everyone about the "change" topic. I have thought about everything, and life, as always, has proved me last days a lot of things EFace and Gaurav said. I'm sure i'm finding the right way now and I owe this to all you thanks very much guys!

 

[ShadowDancer]

this one I can quote and say from my own experience: yeah, take some to you, i understand this is hard cause I faced this some months (months?) ago. heal yourself up, put things in order inside your heart and restart from where you've stopped. also, you don't need to restart your friendship now -as you said, you'll need sometime- and adding to this, just relax and take all the time you need to tame and put reason in your feelings ok? i don't know how old are you, but like me and everyone, more loves will come and go. and maybe you'll find loves that you'll love more than this friend then... be prepared for more chapters!

And do not worry. We are here to help each other


offtopic: btw, thanks for everyone about the "change" topic. I have thought about everything, and life, as always, has proved me last days a lot of things EFace and Gaurav said. I'm sure i'm finding the right way now and I owe this to all you thanks very much guys!

Well this was my first real relationship at 23 (yeah late bloomer lol) and it turned to be a stab in the back. I've always been wary of people thinking they were going to hurt me someday and she was the only person I have ever gotten really close to (because I let her) and this happened. I think the love outweighed the feelings that I have now though so I'll look for love again in due time. I just hope this will all go away soon one way or another. I doubt she can ever find another guy that loved her like I did so that's the only consolation that I can get from this. I don't wanna be a person full of spite and I won't. I just hope she will realize one day how much I loved her.

*edit*

Oh yeah in post #15 of this thread I said she put me on the phone with a her ex and he asked me why I didn't trust her and etc. Yeah she cheated on me with him and he was telling all of that to my face as well as her. Doesn't that make you want to snap some necks? I basically just got played by both of them unless they're lying.

Gotta go to sleep. I need to take some tests tomorrow. Ugh I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight and I really do hope I can get some sleep and let this nightmare be over.

 

[MT]

it'll go away soon.just relax and put your mind to work in something you like.

I doubt she can ever find another guy that loved her like I did so that's the only consolation that I can get from this. I don't wanna be a person full of spite and I won't. I just hope she will realize one day how much I loved her.

Think like this but don't act like it. I mean, we have seen the love you feel for her, its something very beauty and honorable, and I'm sure someday she'll think that she could be more cool to you. But from now and on, don't think about this. it'll just delay the process to mild your feelings. Live your life like before, if not better. Forget this crazy train called love by now and live YOUR life, not hers btw, its on these "walks through the life" is where you find great persons and girlfriends
of course you may want to rest a bit right now. but don't get sad or quiet. you need make noise and live your life again.
and i'm sure that better girls will appear in your life, and also girls that will really deserve your love

*edit: i just have seen your edit now so, do you think it worth to suffer a girl like her? I mean, suffer for love. she's a good friend, but not a good gf
now go have some sleep. g'night!

 

[dukenukem]

Well if i were you i would get over her asap and go to some strip clubs.

 

[Dark Watcher]

ah...damn...We hate when we are right, but we saw it coming. Guess it comes with experience.

You'll be ok ShadowDancer. It sucks that you had to experience betrayal later then usual....Usually humans get their first taste of betrayal with teenage puppy love. As Miretank said...it makes you stronger and wiser (and perhaps a little bitter).

Everything happens for a reason...This chick had your emotions in an unhealthy knot, had you failing in your studies, and would have you lose many friends. That is not love buddy.

DW is usually a listener or we share wisdom..but this time we are telling you "DO NOT BE HER FRIEND" This girls is the equivalent to a modern day mythical siren (You know..the ones that lured sailors in with their looks, and led them to their doom..haha). She lost that privelege when she betrayed you. Besides...it is merely her way of stringing you along, and it sounds like she is quite good at it. We are sure many others have fell victim to her skill...probably the very same guy friends she gathers around her.

Move on...let your wounds heal...and find another. If anything it teaches you that you did have the skill to land a trophy chick. So put a notch on your belt player, go hang out with some friends, and maybe try dukenukem's advice

 

[Cid Highwind]

I'm sorry to hear things worked out like this. I don't have any experience on cheaters, and breaking up with those feelings, I'm glad that's the only negative sh1t I haven't been through

Perhaps Miretank will recognize this quote

You will remember the day you crossed my path
Leave me without a guard and you feel my wrath
What you have done to me has made me bitter and cruel
I´ll see that all the hate you spread returns to you, you, back to you…

Now to explain what it means to me.

I've been hurt a lot by my ex, especially after we broke up when we were trying to be good friends. I gave it all I got, because my feelings told me so. Yet she let me down a lot of times. Resulting in me saying goodbye for more than half a year, cutting all contact.

At this moment we are picking things up again, and it's going quite well
But what she has done to me really made me bitter, and I notice all the patience and trust I once had now is gone. Sometimes I really need to keep myself in control so that I won't be stupid and make her feel my wrath by saying all kinds of sarcastic things linked to past events, which we are trying to leave behind.

Now to connect this to your story: I think going for a friendship because it was so close before would be a noble thing to do. But I think it might be better to let things calm down when you feel you're angry, or impatient. It's very hard to act like nothing ever happened in a situation like this. And I'm pretty sure it will be even harder when it's about a guy in her life.

Don't let your love turn to hate, like I did, because if you let anger take over, you won't feel happy as well. That was also the reason I decided to give it another undeserved chance.

Remember, she's the one that has been wrong, don't let everything come from your side. She should be the one putting more effort into getting back your trust. She must first prove worthy before you should play the same part in her life as a friend, as you were before.

( I see my view slightly differs on this with DW's )

 

[ShadowDancer]

OK this is what has happened so far:

She told me that she still wants to be friends. I told her that I just don't want her talking about guys. Funny thing is that I was talking about this girl and she was getting mad at me and changing the subject. Then she was like "Well we can't be friends because I can't talk about guys and all you do is talk about Danielle (girl's name)" She told me that she's through with guys. She doesn't even want to get close with the guy she cheated on me with (she didn't have sex with him but is phone sex considered cheating? lol). Anyway she told me that she doesn't want drama from guys because she has a condtion where if she's in stress, her stomach over produces acid or something and she starts getting sick big time. She's going to have surgery probably for this condition with her gall bladder and they might have to take it out. That's why she broke it up with me though. She didn't want anymore drama because she can't handle. The only way she could break up with me is if she cheated on me because it's too hard for her so she did it. I'm talking to her in the meantime and I guess it's back to the way it used to be in some ways or others. Maybe I'm too understanding or forgiving but I know she's sick all the time because of this so I cut her SOME slack. She still needs to gain my trust and she told me she'll try and do that.

She's a cool friend though and does it sound like I made up my mind as to where this is going? I really don't want to lose her because she's hella cool and I care a lot about her and I hope she'll get better soon. I don't know.......

I'm happy right now though. I don't know why.

BTW sounds like I'm taking Cid's advice lol. I've been friends with her for almost two years! It's really hard to break it up like that and I enjoy her presence more than anything.

*edit* Hahaha this is funny. I have so much power in this that I never knew I had. She seriously doesn't want to end things with me at least as friends and she's telling me and begging me to end it with her because she gets jealous of stuff with me and this other girl. I told her no and she's going to have to suffer and suffer like I did. She can't take it. LMAO!

Ever had a relationship where being just friends is more powerful than being bf/gf? I think I found one.

 

[Cid Highwind]

Whoah, this info gives a whole new dimension to the story. She broke up because she is afraid to have stress in a relationship?

I think I already know what I would do, but I'm a reckless nutcase when in love

I'm interested in what DW will say about this

Edit (after your edit) :
Judging from her begging she can't see you with another girl, could this be a sign of strong feelings for you? nthepull

Hehe, you remind me of myself when I'm being in charge :evil: It gives you a kick when you suddenly see the roles are exactly the opposite. But still you should act with honour of course

 

[ShadowDancer]

Um I'm confused now. We're talking like nothing happened now and she told me she lied about some of the stuff she was saying. She tells me that she doesn't want a bf and all of this stuff but we're acting like nothing ever happened. She's crying a lot and thinking of cutting herself (she has a history of doing this) to release stress. This girl is going through a lot and probably needs surgery ASAP. I'm trying to be her friend the best way I can possibly can. I'm so confused as she probably is. This is weird.

Oh yeah, she got real quiet with me on the phone and I asked her what she's thinking about. Then she started to cry and told me about the stuff that's going on and then "why I can't keep a relationship" etc

I really need to becareful. I don't wanna think we're back together again and get my ass handed back down to me because we weren't.

 

[MT]

Perhaps Miretank will recognize this quote

You will remember the day you crossed my path
Leave me without a guard and you feel my wrath
What you have done to me has made me bitter and cruel
I´ll see that all the hate you spread returns to you, you, back to you…

Women put us in The Cage, don't they?

BTW sounds like I'm taking Cid's advice lol. I've been friends with her for almost two years! It's really hard to break it up like that and I enjoy her presence more than anything.

yeah, don't let THIS break your friendship with her.

Anyway she told me that she doesn't want drama from guys because she has a condtion where if she's in stress, her stomach over produces acid or something and she starts getting sick big time. She's going to have surgery probably for this condition with her gall bladder and they might have to take it out. That's why she broke it up with me though. She didn't want anymore drama because she can't handle. The only way she could break up with me is if she cheated on me because it's too hard for her so she did it. I'm talking to her in the meantime and I guess it's back to the way it used to be in some ways or others. Maybe I'm too understanding or forgiving but I know she's sick all the time because of this so I cut her SOME slack. She still needs to gain my trust and she told me she'll try and do that.

the thing is... stomach problems are bad... I have gastritis... btw I've got this by loving a girl lol... ok, feel sad for her with this, but I'm sure this gastric problem has nothing to do with her cheating

for the other the things you said... man, I'm confused too ^^ but, do you want my most honestly opinion? i know won't be everyone who will agree with me, but I'm saying this cause I defend this position in my real life: after all the things happened, I don't think it will worth to restart again. you may get along together, be happy once again, but you know, something will remain in your memories and these scars may hurt someday again... *IF I WAS YOU* i won't get her again. forget her. forget her as girlfriend, but continue to love her as a good friend (if she deserves it, of course).
But, of course, this is just my inexperienced opinion, and I can't guess what you're feeling about her right now. And there may have cases of couples that, after situation like yours, goes and get a better relationship, better than before. thats up to you my good mate, but here I left my opinion just do what your heart AND MIND says its the better.

 

[Cid Highwind]

ShadowDancer, if you're up for it, if you're strong enough, and if think she's worth it (let it be in a friendship way, or a relationship), by all means try and help her. I'm telling you, it will be hard at moments, there will be moments you will wonder if what you said, what you told her, if all that even crossed her mind when she was in a depressed mood cutting again... Things like that can really bring you down. If the smile of happiness on her face after you've picked her up (even if it's only for a while) gives you satisfaction, go for it.

I'm telling you this because I've been in exactly the same situation, and there will be numerous times you might ask 'why... WHY did she do it again?!?!'

And another thing I want to say is that whatever we tell you, read it to learn from, but do not let our stories and advice be the decisive factor. You should let your own feelings be your guide, do what you think that will make you happy. Even if it means you will give her all you got and be disappointed in the end, because that will also be something positive because you will learn from it, even though that will leave some scars

 

[ShadowDancer]

BTW you guys have helped me tremendously! I really appreciate the time you put in to answer my questions and help me through the problems I was going through. You don't know how much this all means to me and I will never forget it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! (sounds lame/corny but I'm being sincere )

BTW I'm doing what Cid is advising me to do. I can't help it, I'm a romantic and I can't just let this girl go and see her suffer like that. I'll be there for her and hopefully she'll notice that and see how much I really do love her by me being there for her in her darkest times even though she caused a lot of pain for me.