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· The Hunter
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17,202 Posts
I think you are at the right place when asking about stuff like this :)

From my own experience, I know what it feels like... However, try to giver her space to breathe if you know what I mean. When you will give her the feeling that you're like a weight chained to her ankle things will go downward.

Have you already talked about this with her in person? It's a good thing if you are able to show your feelings on this subject to her. You both love each other a lot, so I don't foresee any problems when talking about things like this. Try to be understanding (judging from what you wrote I know you are) and be honest about your own feelings. What you need is hearing some positive words about this from your GF herself, not some peptalk from us :p We can tell you to trust her, but that's not the right way. Whatever you do, don't crop it up or you will end up as a nervous wreck.

If she's a flirt and this is her first serious relationship, there might be some things about her attitude towards other guys that will bother you. Try to explain her how you feel about it and also try to ask her what she sees as 'the limit'. Another good thing might be that when you are going out together, that she will give you the opportunity to explain your feelings whenever you don't feel comfortable in a certain situation because of her behaviour.

I hope this can be of any help, good luck :)
 

· The Hunter
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17,202 Posts
GF can be used as girlfriend, as Geforce and as Guardian force you FF nutter :p

And yes, we had a love clinic although I can't recall seeing DW very often in there. It was called the 'what girls/guys do you still love?' thread. Or just plain 'the love thread' :p
Anyway, it's good to hear things are going alright with you again. Whenever there's something wrong there's always the option of posting it here.
 

· The Hunter
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17,202 Posts
Oh another thing. I tried to please her by stop talking to other girls. She told me "It's either them or me" and I chose her just to make her happy. Other girls used to tell me that she wanted me to herself and that's what I did. I basically gave her myself. But now that she got me, it feels unfair that she's talking to these other people that I don't know. I don't know what's going on there. She told me if something could happen between those people, that she wouldn't talk to them. Ugh it's just a confusing situation for me and I'm not experienced enough in it.
Now this is NOT a good thing. Try to make clear that if she wants to talk to other guys, she should not see a problem when you are talking to other girls. Also, this points out to the fact she is also insecure about you loving her perhaps, because she does not want to risk losing her. Best method: Try use her own arguements for talking to guys and about not loving them in your advantage ;)
 

· The Hunter
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17,202 Posts
Yes, to compromise is a key, but when to compromise means having to sacrifice friends, it's a different situation. If she really loves you she should not force you in a way like this.
The other day I started to talk to my friend that I haven't talked to in a long time and she got real mad at me for talking to him. She says it makes her feel like I'm not paying attention to her when I start talking to other people so that's why she's like that. She's a major attention whore and she looks for attention anywhere she can get it it seems.
This already points out it's not your behaviour that's the problem, but it's her attitude. She wants you to spend all your attention on her. Try to make clear that there are also other important people in your life. It's good to look for a compromise, and sometimes small sacrifices have to be made as well, but never let other friendships die because of a girlfriend. One day you might need those friends again...

I know what it feels to really care about a person even though it seems you have to make a lot of sacrifices that you really don't want to... I used to give my gf all the attention and freedom I had to offer her. I wanted to see her happy, because that's what made me happy. Cheesy, but it's true. In the end I couldn't offer her anymore, still I wasn't happy myself because things weren't going the way I wanted. I started to think about what I got in return... Not enough in comparison to what I gave her. Things were simply unfair. That's when I let her go (when we already were 'normal friends' because she already broke up), and she regretted it with all her life how stupid she actually was.

Moral of the story: Try to prevent her getting you by the balls, sacrifices have to be made because you want it and because it's for the best, not because she wants you to make them. And if nothing else works you can make her feel her mistakes the evil way :evil:
 

· The Hunter
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17,202 Posts
I'm sorry to hear things worked out like this. I don't have any experience on cheaters, and breaking up with those feelings, I'm glad that's the only negative sh1t I haven't been through :p

Perhaps Miretank will recognize this quote
You will remember the day you crossed my path
Leave me without a guard and you feel my wrath
What you have done to me has made me bitter and cruel
I´ll see that all the hate you spread returns to you, you, back to you…
Now to explain what it means to me.

I've been hurt a lot by my ex, especially after we broke up when we were trying to be good friends. I gave it all I got, because my feelings told me so. Yet she let me down a lot of times. Resulting in me saying goodbye for more than half a year, cutting all contact.

At this moment we are picking things up again, and it's going quite well :)
But what she has done to me really made me bitter, and I notice all the patience and trust I once had now is gone. Sometimes I really need to keep myself in control so that I won't be stupid and make her feel my wrath by saying all kinds of sarcastic things linked to past events, which we are trying to leave behind.

Now to connect this to your story: I think going for a friendship because it was so close before would be a noble thing to do. But I think it might be better to let things calm down when you feel you're angry, or impatient. It's very hard to act like nothing ever happened in a situation like this. And I'm pretty sure it will be even harder when it's about a guy in her life.

Don't let your love turn to hate, like I did, because if you let anger take over, you won't feel happy as well. That was also the reason I decided to give it another undeserved chance.

Remember, she's the one that has been wrong, don't let everything come from your side. She should be the one putting more effort into getting back your trust. She must first prove worthy before you should play the same part in her life as a friend, as you were before.

( I see my view slightly differs on this with DW's :p )
 

· The Hunter
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17,202 Posts
Whoah, this info gives a whole new dimension to the story. She broke up because she is afraid to have stress in a relationship?

I think I already know what I would do, but I'm a reckless nutcase when in love :rolleyes:

I'm interested in what DW will say about this :)

Edit (after your edit) :
Judging from her begging she can't see you with another girl, could this be a sign of strong feelings for you? :eek:nthepull

Hehe, you remind me of myself when I'm being in charge :evil: It gives you a kick when you suddenly see the roles are exactly the opposite. But still you should act with honour of course :)
 

· The Hunter
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17,202 Posts
ShadowDancer, if you're up for it, if you're strong enough, and if think she's worth it (let it be in a friendship way, or a relationship), by all means try and help her. I'm telling you, it will be hard at moments, there will be moments you will wonder if what you said, what you told her, if all that even crossed her mind when she was in a depressed mood cutting again... Things like that can really bring you down. If the smile of happiness on her face after you've picked her up (even if it's only for a while) gives you satisfaction, go for it.

I'm telling you this because I've been in exactly the same situation, and there will be numerous times you might ask 'why... WHY did she do it again?!?!'

And another thing I want to say is that whatever we tell you, read it to learn from, but do not let our stories and advice be the decisive factor. You should let your own feelings be your guide, do what you think that will make you happy. Even if it means you will give her all you got and be disappointed in the end, because that will also be something positive because you will learn from it, even though that will leave some scars :rolleyes:
 
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