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The Vodka Theme
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toilet/bathroom
1 Takin a ****
2 I am stranded on toilet island.
3 Playing with my rubber duckie. I'll be back when I'm all clean.
4 It's raining! Oh, nevermind that's just the shower.
5 I'm slipping and sliding in the shower.
6 Don't waste water, shower with a friend.
7 I'm taking a shower now because the neighbors are starting to complain.
8 I'm taking a shower so I smell good for you.
9 I'm magically changing the color of toilet paper.
10 I'm delivering a package to the toilet.
11 I've gone to un-retain some water.
12 Waiting for someone to bring me some toilet paper.
13 Shower Power!
14 Today we are experiencing some massive yellow rainfall and gigantic brown hail stones.
15 The rabbit goes nibble, the cow goes moo, the pig goes oink, and I go poo!
16 My toilet's favorite food is chocolate and right now I'm feeding it some.
17 If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.
18 Singing in the shower.
19 Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages.
20 Making it rain in Toiletville.
21 I'll be right back, my potty is thirsty.
22 On the potty, if I'm not back in 5 minutes, I fell in.
23 No job is finished until the paperwork is done. In the bathroom, leave me one!
24 I'm magically changing the color of my teeth.
25 Riding the porcilin pony.
26 Making my bladder gladder, beotch!
27 I'm feeding the potty, please leave a message and I'll get back to you when its full!
28 Be back in a splash ... In the john!
29 I'm off to the urination station.
30 Ridding myself of internal famine.
31 Selecting various food items from our storage for personal consumption.
32 Food... it does the body good. Leave me one!
33 Breaking the seal, leave me one.
34 Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'd rather be shopping than talk to you.
35 Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without.
36 Dropping the kids off at the pool... (Submitted by NDFANATIC8)
37 Putting one through the hoop. (Harvey Swanson)
38 Growing a Tail. (Harvey Swanson)
39 Making Hershey Kisses. (Harvey Swanson)
40 These are my away messages for when I'm in the shower. Im off to get completely naked, extremely wet, and touch myself all over. So when you finally remove you mind from the gutter, message me, and ill get back to you after im out of the shower. perverts!!! OR I'm naked and all wet. So that can only mean one thing. I'm takin a shower because I don't want to be a dirty girl anymore and I'll feel better when I get out. Why what did you think I was doing?
41 Bud Light Presents: Real American Heroes. Today I salute you Mr./Mrs./Ms. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun college life, you are at home, reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List [whichever is faster]. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages everyday to see what they are up to [borderline stalking]. So sit back, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change
42 Girls were a poor investment. I want my rib back.
43 When something stinks, you're probanly somewhere close to an Australian. (Submitted by a South African)
44 Lay off me, I'm starving! - Chris Farley
45 I'm taking the Browns to the Super Bowl, and by the looks of it it is going to be tough.
46 "It's OK officer... they didn't drink as much as I did!"
47 poopin...if you didnt want to know you shouldnt have asked
48 CHECK OUT MARKER A NEW BAND IN TOWN WWW.MARKER.CC PHILA. BASED BAND SEEN ON VH-1
49 "In the shower....Who wants to join in the fun??"
50 I'm not as think as I drunk you am.
51 Don't you wish you were my homework so I'd be doing you right now?
52 Here I sit broken hearted, tried to **** and only farted. Later on I took a chance......tried to fart and **** my pants.
53 nice shoes!...want to ****?
54 I was sitting here thinking about how fat I've gotten recently. Then I started thinking about exercising. But thinking made me hungry, so I gotta eat!
55 hello i want friend ship withh u
56 ur a f-ing moron
57 Dropping of the Cosby Kids
58 puto aceptame en el trade
59 Death to all alien toasters
60 I got a meeting with Mr. Johnson, be back in 5 minutes.
61 Taking the Browns to the Superbowl
62 Hear no Evil, See no Evil, Speak no Evil, Sometimes you just gotta take a ****!
63 Rub-a-dub-dub, I'm in the tub...maybe even with three men!
64 Rub-a-dub-dub, I'm in the tub...maybe even with three men!
65 **** Off, cause i'm getting my **** On
66 after my 17 or so years on this planet i have learned a few things: #1 girls are btiches and #2 guys are ass holes. I believe this is a result of A negative feedback mechanism from the ladies. It results in me being an *******. So I have come about with a way to stop this...Stop Being *****es...and if you don't believ this will work ladies just try it for a month, no *****yness at all and bam, their just might be an alright guy hiding in that *******
67 gettin unstink-a-fied and super sex-a-fied with a hot showr, grrrrrrrrrr;-)
68 Bringin the Browns to the Superbowl
69 vcbcvbvcb
70 Bringin the Browns to the Superbowl
71 im in sleep mode...zzz...
72 maybe something nice, long, hot, and all wet will make me feel better. a shower you sickos
73 I'm droppin' the Jeffersons off at the Pool.
74 Have you ever felt what it't like to piss like a race horse? Grab onto my dick real quick and you will!
75 out chasing little boys in the parking lot... be back when i catch one! (by Waterbuffalomoo

food
1 I got the munchies so leave me one.
2 Two things I don't eat for lunch; breakfast and dinner.
3 Exercising my taste buds.
4 Hey, I'm cooking right now so if I don't burn down the house I'll be right back.
5 I'm going to stop the noise that's comming out of my tummy.
6 Hungrier than you!
7 I heard my stomach growling and I got scared so I'm giving it what it wants.
8 I'm eating so take a ****in number, beotch!
9 My stomach was crying and grumbling and it was making me guilty so, I went to the fridge to cheer it up.
10 Expanding my stomach.
11 In the mouth and through the gums, watch out tummy here it comes.
12 God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for this food.
13 Statistics say that people who eat live longer than those who don't, so I am eating right now.
14 Gettin friendly with Mr. Atkins. I'm eating - Leave me a message!
15 Refueling myself.
16 Lay off me, I'm starving! - Chris Farley
17 Food...Git in ma belly!
18 i'm a slaaaave for food

funny messages
1 If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!
2 Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the net and he won't bother you for weeks.
3 Only fools leave away messages. (Doh!)
4 How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...
5 If you want to know where I am call a psychic! If you're too lazy to do that just leave me a message!
6 I'm not talented enough to type and pick my nose at the same time.
7 Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't. I suck at poetry, and creative away messages, so leave me one if it's important.
8 I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
9 Don't Worry!, I don't know where I am either.
10 Hold on I have a big booger hanging in my nose. I will get back to you when I am done picking it.
11 Is your computer running? You better go chase it.
12 I have a secret to tell you... I'm away from my computer right now.
13 Am I here? I'm not sure. Leave a message and I might get back to you.
14 I'm sitting right at my computer, you can IM me but I'm too lazy to respond at the present time.
15 How about you leave me a message and I ignore you? Sound good?
16 I dropped my keyboard when I find it I'll get bac ...
17 I'm not here right now but if you scream really loud into your monitor I might be able to hear you!
18 Lost...
19 Help! I've fallen and can't reach my mouse!
20 Masturbating right now, leave me one. (Oh crap, did I just write that?)
21 People that scan away messages for entertainment are pathetic. Let me know if you find any good ones.
22 Jeez you are ****in snoopy, you don't see me reading your away message constantly, do you? Well, not counting today.
23 Deleted Scene from Star Wars Darth Vader: Ahh Hell naaah Luke. You ain't gonna be steppin to me like that! I'ma **** yo ass up.
24 The Only thing worse than people who keep themselves up to date by reading the away messages are those who leave the long detailed messages of where they are. I got news for you no one cares!!
25 if you were a weener i'd so totally suck you
26 hey nice circumcision
27 I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my...other handle? ****, i'm a sugar bowl!
28 Do you have any idea how hard it is to find lumps of partially dissolved cocnut powder in Antarctica?
29 Yo, I'm out like a fat girl in dodgeball. Hit the cell.
30 TV is god, And im praying...
31 I'm out like nipples in ice water.....leave some
32 U've been a bad girl, go to my room [Submitted by LuVhUrTz]
33 I think that getting struck by lightning is the worst way to die. Its like God's drive by shooting.
34 It is a dog eat dog world and I am wearing Milk Bone underwear.
35 Real Men of Genius. Today I salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out living college life, you are at home reading about it on your computer. Right-mouse-clicking and Getting Buddy Info, or even using the little Info icon at the bottom of your Buddy List. Sure there are people on your list that you haven't talked to in years, and would probably consider you a stalker for keeping them there, but that doesn't stop you from reading their away messages...EVERY DAY. So click open a fresh new Buddy Info window, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer...because you never know when someone will be back.
36 "today we salute you, stressed out college student during exam week. as you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on starbucks & aderol, you think to yourself, am i ever going to need to know this sh!t in life? the distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage, i'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. christmas break is just days away, and your prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. so crack open an ice cold bud light after that last exam, because for most of us, christmas will be spent in rehab..."
37 Girls are like finals because:-you'd rather get an easy one.-you get in a lot of trouble if you get caught cheating on one.-if you are drunk when you do one, it takes a lot longer to finish.-the less they have on them the better.-they suck and/or blow.-when you finish one, you have to immediately start preparing for the next one.-if you have more than one scheduled at the same time, you have a problem.-you have to put in a lot of effort for very little reward.-nothing about them makes any ****ing sense.-they just lie there and you have to do all the work.-when you are done you get up and leave.-good curves make for a more enjoyable experience
38 If you think life is bad now, how would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You get eaten once. It takes four minutes to get hard, and only two minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mom! So cheer up, your life isn't that bad! __KB
39 thats right ladies, I'm optimizing my hardrive, :-* don't all call at once Grrrrrr
40 I have the most awesome penis ever!

Love
1 If you're going my way, I'll walk with you.
2 Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for them.
3 Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
4 It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
5 They say love hides behind every corner... I must be walking around in circles.
6 Love isn't being perfect, it's learning how to look past the imperfections.
7 Love is like war; easy to begin and hard to end.
8 I love you know, I love you still. I always have, and I always will. I still love you, so leave me a message and I'll get back to you.
9 Love comes in actions, not words.
10 If I can only be with you in my dreams then I'll sleep for ever.
11 I wrote your name in the sand but the waves washed it away. I wrote your name on my hand but I washed it the next day. I wrote your name on a paper but I accidentally threw it away. I wrote your name in my heart and forever it will stay.
12 If I were in love, I'd climb the highest mountain. If I were in love, I'd drink from the finest fountain. If I were in love, I'd be in love with you.
13 Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
14 If you live for 100 more days, then I want to live for 100 more days minus one so that I'd never have to live without you.
15 Love is like the wind, you can't see it, but you can feel it.
16 Loving you is like breathing. How can I stop?
17 If I could reach up and capture a star for every time you've made me smile, I'd have the whole evening sky in the palm of my hand.
18 Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
19 "If I had the stars from the darkest night and the diamonds from the deepest ocean, I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss. For that's all I'm wishing to be owning" - Bob Dylan (the song is "Boots Of Spanish Leather")
20 The things I see in you, you cant see in a mirror.
21 Guys aren't worth your tears...and when you find the one that is he won't make you cry
22 Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
23 I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, put on my prayers. I Turned off the bed, hopped into the light ....... all because you kissed me good night:-*
24 after my 17 or so years on this planet i have learned a few things: #1 girls are btiches and #2 guys are ass holes. I believe this is a result of A negative feedback mechanism from the ladies. It results in me being an *******. So I have come about with a way to stop this...Stop Being *****es...and if you don't believ this will work ladies just try it for a month, no *****yness at all and bam, their just might be an alright guy hiding in that *******
25 to all you people who are enjoying today because it is sweetest day, **** YOU, to all those people enjoying this day at all **** YOU too, me i'm enjoying this day because i ****in hate all you , so happy ME day *****es>:eek:



i actually use some of them.
and add a few of your own :D
 

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Premium Member
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12,032 Posts
I simply change my user name to get the point across. My regular user name is Razor_RBO sometimes I will change it to ... Razor_POO, Razor_PEE, Razor_EAT or Razor_BED depending on what i'm doing :p
 

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Retired
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8,882 Posts
I used the following in my away message:

"Even the putrid muscles of the dead can provide strength to those loathsome enough to consume them. They call me Eater of the Dead."

Then I changed it to something about killing random people on the streets. Now I rarely open any instant messenger program anymore.
 

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184 Posts
A few of my favorites

-If the ocean were vodka and I were a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink it all up. But the ocean's not vodka, and I'm not a duck, so pass me the bottle and lets get ****** up!

-My dogs head is stuck in the door! Wait! I don't have a dog so once I figure out what is stuck in the door I'll get back to you.

-Right now I'm dancing in front of a full length mirror in spiderman underwear. I could really use some music....

-Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the ***hole? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a *****ty outlook on life. If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your *** and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

-I'm riding the ponies outside WalMart. Be back when I run out of quarters.

-I have been temporarily distracted by a shiny object.

-I'm on a mission to save the world (I can't believe they trusted me with this).

-My dog's crazy.....I'll be back when I'm done arguing with him....

-Its not right for people to walk around with their shirts off to show their muscles... I mean you don't see me walking around with my shorts off..... BRB

I really liked the one about the egg. It's a keeper.
 
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